End of Summer – What I Will and Won’t Miss

Tomorrow is the first day of Fall in the USA, but the fall-like weather is starting to trickle in here and there. Fall is my favorite season (and summer has been my least favorite for my whole life), so I’m always excited for the end of summer! But this year is the first year where a part of me will be sad to see summer go.

Over the last year, I’ve changed a lot about my diet and lifestyle. I’ve tried the Autoimmune Paleo Protocol, found new food sensitivities, and started taking daily walks at work for sunshine. I started a garden outside, made some mistakes, and learned some lessons about growing food. I thought it would be good to reflect on what made this summer in particular the first summer that I will miss.

On the other hand, there are many reasons why summer has been my least favorite (though I would never say as much as ‘I hate summer’, just my least favorite).

So, I decided to compile my list of Top 6 reasons to Miss the Summer and Not to Miss the Summer (in no particular order)!

Reasons that I will Miss the Summer:

1. Brightness in the morning – I’m very fortunate to have a job with flexible hours, but I definitely prefer to go in early and leave early than the alternative. Last winter, it was truly miserable having to drive into work in the darkness in the morning, so over the summer, I relished in the sunlight!
2. Farmer’s Markets – This was my first year where I truly went out of my way to experience farmer’s markets, and I have to say that they are wonderful! I know that most of them continue through November, but with my current schedule, it is unlikely that I will be able to go again this year. The main farmer’s market I went to was where my boyfriend lived, and since he moved in, we are stuck with poor choices where I live (a lot of markets that are only open from 8-noon during the week – PEOPLE WORK, FARMERS!)
3. Warm weather – I know it is obvious that the summer is warmer, but this is the first year where the hot weather didn’t seem so hot. Since I made an effort to be outside for a small portion every day, I noticed that the heat didn’t bother me so much. This means that I enjoy my time outside in short sleeves soaking up that Vitamin D! In the winter, short sleeves will simply not be an option. The absence of the warm weather means that I’m going to be forced to spend a lot more time indoors. Womp womp.
4. Vacations – This was the only redeemable quality to summer when I was growing up – no school! Now, I get to look forward to a more lax schedule as it seems like 20% of my coworkers are on vacation every week. I enjoyed a few great vacations this year, but as I plan to take time off next summer, I have to focus on saving up vacation time during the winter!
5. Green life – As the leave change in the fall (one of my reasons to love the fall – so breathtaking!), I am more aware than ever about what it really means: the world is about to get a lot browner. This last winter affected me so much, that I was super giddy this past spring at watching plants grow. I have a lot of plants in my apartment, but that doesn’t make up for the lack of green outside.
6. No school traffic – I typically commute to work before this is an issue, but that sweet summer season means fewer slow moving buses on the road stopping every 200 ft to let more kids on. The few times I slept in an extra half hour, this was definitely an issue!

Reasons to NOT Miss the Summer:

1. Humidity – I live in Virginia, and it can get incredibly humid in this area. For those living in dry climates, it can get so humid that you feel like you can’t breathe. It makes your hair friz, and your body sweat. No, thank you!
2. Perfect Weather Inbound! – The fall is my favorite time of the year because the temperature outside is absolutely perfect. Just cool enough that you can get away with long pants and a light jacket, but not so cold that you are freezing with a full winter coat on.
3. Less stability at work – The flipside to being allowed to take vacations is that your coworkers get to take vacations too, which often means that their work is being dumped into your lap. Also, since I am still very much learning, it can be a little worrying when I have a question about a project and a senior engineer isn’t around to answer it. Having to figure stuff out on my own has done wonders for my confidence, but I’m glad to be getting back to a more stable work environment!
4. Bugs – I believe I blogged about this, but at one point, I was plagued with a rogue mosquito in my apartment for about two weeks of agonizing itch. Since the Whole 30, I’ve definitely been getting less mosquito bites, but I will definitely not miss gnats and other annoying insects.
5. High gas prices – Over the summer, gas prices almost always go up by about 20 or 30 cents/gallon to capitalize on all of the people traveling. When September hit, gas prices immediately dropped about 15 cents a gallon and they continue to drop.
6. It’s less cozy than the cooler months – one of the great things about summer is that it encourages exploration. But the great thing about the Fall and Winter months are that they bring people together: Thanksgiving, Christmas, the New Year, etc. As a homebody introvert, I definitely prefer small gatherings with the people I love over large parties! Not to mention, who doesn’t love snuggling up next to a fire?

Thanks for reading! Can you relate to my reasons? Any that I left out?

Stay healthy my friends, and get out while the weather’s still fine!

What the Princess Bride Teaches us about True Love

I’m taking a break from the usual posts on this, the Day of Love, to talk a little bit about the subject. I’m young, and don’t have any experiences about love that I haven’t experienced personally or witnessed among friends and family. When I was young, my parents were divorced, and, though I’m not saying that it wasn’t a good decision (two people who don’t love each other anymore should separate), I didn’t grow up with two parents who loved each other as role models. I didn’t get to see my parents have an argument, forgive each other, and move on. I got to experience my mother’s love and my father’s love for me individually, but I grew up fine!

With divorce rates so high, I’m not alone in how I grew up. There are a lot of children whose parents’ marriage didn’t make it, or whose parents’ marriage ended in one parent’s death. Even more likely, the marriage survived, but not because the marriage was healthy. There are a lot of people like me who grew up relying on other sources than their parents as to how relationships are supposed to work. These sources can be other family members, friends, or, as is the case with a lot of kids, television and movies.

Don’t get me wrong: contrary to what I have said, I am an optimist when it comes to relationships. I believe that, with a little work and a lot of love, marriages are beautiful things! I look forward to marrying my soulmate one day, just like anyone does. But what I’m here to talk about is how I learned about love from the movie, The Princess Bride. [Spoilers ahead!]

This movie is one of my favorites for many reasons. It has a little bit of everything: romance, action, revenge, comedy, peril, you name it. In fact, the grandfather narrating the story sums up what is to be expected in the movie as he tries to convince his grandson to sit still and listen to a good story instead of playing a video game. True love is a central theme in the movie, as it drives much of the plot as Westley and Buttercup try to reunite after being ripped apart by circumstance in the beginning. To sum up the plot:

• Buttercup owns a farm (?) with farm boy Westley on it and they fall in love
• Westley leaves, Buttercup is told he is dead and is chosen to be the bride of Prince Humperdink a few years later in a plot to start a war with a neighboring nation
• Westley actually lives as a pirate captain and rescues Buttercup from the plot and they run away, but are eventually captured
• Westley is tortured using a life sucking machine until all of the years of his life are sucked away; Buttercup’s wedding to the prince is back on
• Buttercup tries to contact Westley (who she has been reassured was put back on his ship), and is tricked by the prince into believing that he’s trying to find Wesley for her
• Westley is rescued by two other characters, given a miracle pill to come back to life
• Westley storms the castle, rescues the princess, yadda yadda, happy ever after

Growing up, I loved this movie, and idolized Buttercup and Westley’s devotion to one another. All they wanted out of life was to share it with each other. That’s what I wanted. I wanted to find someone to share my life with and just be happy with each other. So simple, and yet so difficult.

I watched The Princess Bride again with adult (albeit cynical) eyes. The story does nothing to establish WHY Westley and Buttercup are in love. As far as I can gather, Westley loves Buttercup because she is pretty, and because she is helpless and he can save her. Buttercup loves Westley because he’s attractive and does everything for her and takes care of her. The beginning of their love story is glossed over, and the viewer is given a ‘just trust us, they love each other’ explanation. All of my childhood aspirations about love seemed like a sham. If I didn’t know WHY they fell in love, then I didn’t know WHAT I needed to do to fall in love or to have a relationship.

The one thing that I knew was that he didn’t fall in love with Buttercup for her combat skillz. Seriously, the scene with the ROUSs frustrates me every time hahaha!

I didn’t like the ‘you can snag a man if you’re pretty and helpless’ or the ‘you can snag a girl if you’re hot and swoop in to fix all of her problems’ messages either. The gender stereotypes are oversimplified for the sake of the plot, but it’s not just The Princess Bride doing this here. And gender profiling happens to BOTH genders. Imagine how strange it might seem if the roles were reversed!

But I digress. Since I didn’t grow up with married parents, it was messages like this that I relied on to tell me about relationships. I see a lot of stereotypes and not much founding, but imagine my surprise when I actually found… good?

Hear me out: Love comes in many strange forms, but what makes it ‘true?’ In the Princess Bride, the bond between Buttercup and Westley is referred to as ‘true love’ instead of ‘love’. Now, the difference between ‘true love’ and ‘love’ as it is defined in our society is actually quite large. I’m sure I’m breaking some set definitions here, but I would argue that the difference between ‘love’ and ‘true love’ is the ability to explain why you feel the way that you do.

For example – Think about your best friend, all of the good times you’ve been through together and all of the bad times. They’ve had your back, and you’ve had theirs! You exchange birthday presents, and really enjoy each others’ company. If someone were to ask you why you love your friend, you’d be readily able to list that you’ve known them for a while, and they have your back. That’s love – it’s a strong feeling about a strong bond that easy to explain, and it’s often a mutually beneficial exchange of benefits.

On the other hand – Think about your children (or imagine having children it if you aren’t a parent). When they were born, you instantly love them. Though we are genetically programmed to feel this way, it doesn’t make the feeling any less real. You would do anything and everything for that tiny human in your arms. Are you getting anything out of your relationship with that tiny human? Any tangible benefits? I think most people would agree that dealing with hormonal pregnant people or all of the backaches and sleepless nights are benefits. But, do you love your infant less? No! This is true love – it’s irrational, a gut feeling, but is just as strong as love.

This is why true love is so powerful. It’s easy to love someone who buys you things and helps you through rough times, but it makes no sense to love someone for no reason. And yet, there isn’t a single doubt in any viewer’s mind after watching the Princess Bride that Buttercup and Westley would do anything for each other.  They can’t explain it, but they still love each other.

Maybe that’s what true love is. Maybe true love isn’t explainable. Maybe true love is when you love someone despite your better judgement. Like when Westley loves this snotty farm owner girl who pushes him around, or when a well-to-do girl with lots of pursuers (like a PRINCE) picks a farm boy to love. Or when Westley risks life and limb to save a girl that he barely has an established relationship with, or when Buttercup would rather die than be married to anyone other than Westley (an extreme – I know).

Is it so bad for Westley and Buttercup to have no foundation for their relationship? I would argue that the lack of foundation actually makes their love more deep. If their relationship was an exchange of benefits, they would stop loving each other the moment those benefits ended. Westley saves Buttercup continually throughout the story, but he fails to save her before her marriage to Prince Humperdink (biggest failure yet!). Does she love him less because he doesn’t save her? No! When married, she decides that she would rather end her life than be attached to another man other than Westley.

True love is irrational, and I would argue that it is good. Unions between two people need irrationality in order to make it through the bad times. That being said, there is a limit to the irrationality. Ending one’s life because the chance to be with someone that you love truly is not the answer, ever. Harming yourself or others on behalf of someone you love truly happens too often in our society. Similarly, allowing yourself to be harmed by a loved one isn’t something I can condone. True unconditional love means accepting someone for who they are, despite their faults, but we should also learn to love ourselves unconditionally. Would you stand for someone physically or emotionally hurting someone that you love? Then why would you allow that kind of harm to happen to you?

Despite the ways that true love can go wrong, I still love the message behind it. I’ve been asked why I love my boyfriend since I started dating him – by my mom, dad, friends, and family. I didn’t know how to explain why ‘I just do’ to them, because it didn’t seem like a good enough reason. I could list reasons why I love my boyfriend, but that doesn’t explain why I truly love him. ‘Because I do’ should be a good enough reason, and I hope one day it will be.

Sometimes I wonder if more relationships would be stable if couples didn’t have to rationalize why they feel the way that they do. I’m not trying to change the way everyone thinks, but I thought I’d talk about my findings today and encourage more people to love truly and unconditionally. I don’t think that our society has been damaged irreparably by lack of lasting marriages, and I don’t think that everything in the media is sending the wrong message. What I learned from watching the Princess Bride when I was young was that being together with someone you love is something worth fighting for, and that I shouldn’t settle for a prince when I truly love another. I’m glad I started looking at the Princess Bride in a new light – it’ll remain one of my favorites for a long time to come!

Thanks for reading, and don’t hesitate to agree or disagree with me in the comments! I’d like to know what you think! In the meantime, show some love today, and keep loving, friends!